COLUMN: Quiz team probably revise while everyone else is asleep

The Ely Grumpster

The Ely Grumpster - Credit: Archant

• Unlike my last town, a commuter dormitory in Kent where the greyness of the weather was matched only by that of the character of its residents, Ely by comparison exudes life and vibrancy. There always seems to be something happening. Eel Festival, Aqua-Fest, Flower Festival, most of which wouldn’t be the same without Morris Dancers stomping, shrieking and bashing each other on the head with mini telegraph poles.

• There has been the added bonus of the World Cup and all the fun, tension and throat lubrication that it offers plus England performing about their normal level of St Trinian’s reserves.

• A key element of Ely life is the pub quiz scene. Many of our hostelries have joined the fun. The Cutter on music, film and play-acting. The Drayman’s during the Andy and Jo era with Andy’s very own special quiz. The West End and King’s Arms with excellent quizzes. Best of all, The Albert where our esteemed quizmaster has finally worked out how to use a mic. The last of these is so popular, there is a waiting list to join.

• Teams are often transient. (I have represented at least four and success ebbs and flows, with one exception. An irritatingly regular side is the “Ely Dads”. This is the Barcelona of the quiz world. If they turn up, then it’s simply a battle for second place. For all their talent, they don’t have a lot of imagination. Ely Dads? Sounds a bit like “The Ely Daily Mail readers” or “Ely blokes who wear size 36 waist trousers”. I can imagine that while 99 per cent of Ely is asleep, this bunch is researching 1950s tiddlywinks champions, or 17th century Irish dance.

• Anyway, some disgruntled teams have put their heads together to deal with the Drabs. Maybe bribe the publicans to announce an incorrect date for the next quiz, or hand out fake question sheets? My personal favourite is inform them that their Labrador is rampaging around Tesco’s and they need to leave immediately . Wouldn’t work if they didn’t have a dog of course.

• Realistically, I suppose we will just have to keep hoping they contract a highly contagious skin condition on the eve of the quiz, or they find richer pickings in Cambridge.

• So to end, a Grumpster gag. “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field”. Boom boom.

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