The Ely Grumpster interviews... Santa Claus

Columnist 'The Ely Grumpster@

Columnist 'The Ely Grumpster@ - Credit: Archant

This is a special time of year and I am delighted to bring another exclusive to the Ely Standard readers – an interview with, no less, the main man of the moment – Santa Claus.

I travelled to Lapland to interview the kids’ favourite beardie bloke. By an amazing stroke of fortune, he took some time out of his frantic schedule to talk to our intrepid reporter.

Grumpster: “So how’s it going?” Santa – “Not great Grumpster, I have three sick reindeer and my elves are on strike for more pay, but rest assured, I will get all the presents delivered, by hook or crook.”

Grunpster: “What is your greatest challenge? “Santa – “Without a doubt, the increase in population. Every year it’s more chimneys to squeeze down.”

Grumpster – “What do you like most about being Santa Claus?” Santa – “Bringing pleasure to millions of people and indulging myself in endless glasses of port and mince pies.”

Grumpster – “And what do you like least?” Santa – “Well call me old fashioned, but I loved receiving letters. Nowadays, it’s texts and emails and faceebook posts.”

Grumpster – “So what are your most popular requests?” Santa – “Hmm, good question. Lego, Game of Thrones boxset and another vote on Brexit.”

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Grumpster – “Ok, how do you relax when you are not delivering presents?” Santa - “I just love history. I have been captivated by that series ‘White Princess’.

Grumpster – “Totally agree. What I found so fascinating was that for the first time in living memory, Richard III was found not guilty of the murder of the princes and in reality, the guilty person was none other than Margaret Beaufort, mother of Henry Tudor. Santa – “Yes, fine, but I am a busy person. Do you have any other questions?”

Grumpster – “Of course. What do I say to my kids when they ask what Christmas is all about?” Santa – “Well I love delivering presents, that is my job, but let’s be serious for a minute. Christmas is about Christ, our saviour. So, go to church.”

Grumpster – “Can’t argue with that. Happy Christmas all.”