‘Who would have thought it to be a thing’: Police use poetry in online crime report

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Facebook/Policing Cambridge City

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Facebook/Policing Cambridge City - Credit: Archant

Tired of the daily grind of spotting, arresting and processing drug dealers, Cambridgeshire Police opted for a novel approach.

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Facebook/Policing Cambridge City

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Facebook/Policing Cambridge City - Credit: Archant

Instead of the usual crime report, officers in Cambridge turned to poetry to report on how a neighbourhood policing team detected a drug deal in progress.

In a post shared to their Facebook Page, the city police got more than 500 ‘thumbs up’ for their sortie into poetry, although a handful felt they ought not to be making light of such a serious issue.

But most were like this resident who told the city police that “I applaud the person or persons who writes these wonderful reports”.

And he added: “I think it helps in so many ways and engages the public.

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Google Maps

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Google Maps - Credit: Archant


You may also want to watch:


“A sense of humour applied to crime ... who would have thought it to be a thing.”

We know the night it happened – that’s referenced in the opening line of the poem.

Most Read

“Twas the night before advent, when on St Matthews Street,

“A drug addict was stirring, a dealer she’ll meet,

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Facebook/Policing Cambridge City

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Facebook/Policing Cambridge City - Credit: Archant

“The Neighbourhood Support Team were watching with glee,

“As the deal took place, between she and he.”

The poem explains what happened next and of how police were later to find a drug dealer, perched up in bed., and sat “sat beside wraps, of heroin and cocaine”.

The poem continued: “As the grown man cried and blubbed for his mum,

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Facebook/Policing Cambridge City

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Facebook/Policing Cambridge City - Credit: Archant

“The NST officers were embarrassed by that,

“With the blubbing mess left, where the dealer had sat,

“The two men went to custody, not wondering why,

And were charged and remanded, for Class A supply”

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Facebook/Policing Cambridge City

Police in Cambridge used poetry to report an incident in the city. Picture: Facebook/Policing Cambridge City - Credit: Archant

And it concluded: “So if you are naughty, and only think of yourself

“NST are about, like the elf on the shelf,

“If you want to sell drugs, and make a quick sale,

“NST will catch you, to send you to jail.”

Catching criminals and using humour to report it has become something of a tradition.

This week Cambridge Police posted that “the first rule of drug dealing club, is that we don’t talk about drug dealing club.

“The second rule of drug dealing club, is that we don’t talk about drug dealing club”.

They then summed up the arrest of a “somewhat cocky” dealer who gave false details when found with Class A drugs.

However, police knew him and “what we found at a shocked relative’s house in Arbury were all the ingredients for the perfect drug dealing cake.

“We found over £2000 worth of crack cocaine and heroin in large lumps, and individually wrapped. We found scales, clingfilm, mobile phones, and over £1000 in cash too”.

Police added they had “no choice but to talk about drug dealing club with this man”.

Become a Supporter

This newspaper has been a central part of community life for many years. Our industry faces testing times, which is why we're asking for your support. Every contribution will help us continue to produce local journalism that makes a measurable difference to our community.

Become a Supporter